When Is Enough, Enough?

As a teacher, I want to wear a t-shirt that says "I am a parent, too!"  At least once a week I get a note, a phone call, or an email with a parent wanting to "discuss" some injustice done to their child.  I work hard to make sure children in my care are not bullied.  I diligently watch against a child feeling that their self-worth is lacking.  I am in the building-a-child-up business.  It not only insults me, but it hurts my feeling that someone would believe I would hurt or allow a child to be hurt in my care.  Most of the incidents that I am contacted about are incomplete pictures.  Unfortunately some parents don't want to have the whole picture.  They are happy believing that everyone else is mean to their child.  I have especially seen this in some fathers with their little girls.  I have had "mean girls" in my class.  Last year I had a group of little six year old girls that called themselves the "mean girl club."  The ring leader of the club could do no wrong in her dad's eyes.  When I contacted him or his wife about her behavior, I would hear how she was innocent and the others were evil.  Last week I observed an altercation with this man and his older son.  I saw his older son throw his arm back as if he was going to hit his father.  The father was more worried about how this appeared to others around them.  He was more worried about protecting his son's image than disciplining his son.  Then less than five minutes later, I saw him reach into his pocket and hand his son some money.  I was blown away with the lack of parenting, but I wasn't surprised.  I believe that as defiant and rude as his older son is, his younger daughter is going to be worse.  She watches how her older brother interacts with the family and thinks it is funny.  She sees the  boundaries being stretched and is willing to push them further  If she is already the leader of the “mean girl club” at the age of 6, can you imagine the damage she will do at the age of 16.   

I don't understand why people think they need to be friends with their child.  And I don't understand why parents think that they have to fight every fight for their child.  I agree that kids shouldn't be bullied, but at the same time if children don’t ever learn to stand up for themselves they are in for a lot of heartache.  I watch children (OK, 18 year old boys) call mommy over every little problem.  A bad grade for not completing homework...call mommy and she will come to the school and yell at the teacher.  Not getting an award that you think you deserve...call mommy and she will yell at the person in charge until you get an award, too.  Recently an acquaintance of mine became upset that her son wasn’t going to win an award at graduation.  Instead of seeing what the criteria was and how her son was lacking, she immediately assumes the school and the counselor is in the wrong.  When is it too soon to teach children responsibility?  At what age should we expect children to fight their own battles?  When do you allow them to handle problems themselves? 

I personally think that it starts at the earliest age.  Parents should teach their children how to use words to solve problems.  Parents should not run to the school or call every time a child forgets their homework.  By allowing children to take responsibility for their actions at an early age, you are training an adult that can take care of themselves.  And isn’t that my job as a parent?